Out of the depths

My time with Bernard

at Glenfield ICU

Thursday 16^th June 2011 was not quite a summer’s day you would expect from Flaming June. Periodic appearance of the sun through a clouded grey sky was not sufficient to cheer any person hoping for a bright sunny day. The weather and the sky resembled how I felt on that day.

I was on my way to Glenfield Hospital in Leicester to see our dear friend Bernard Ratigan. Bernard was in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) following heart failure. I had expressed to Paul, Bernard’s partner that, I would like to visit him in the Intensive Care. However, it is not a decision left to Paul. It is a decision of the medical staff at the ICU. Even if I am not able to see Bernard, I could be there for Paul, to support him and share his pain.

I entered Glenfield Hospital around 2.00 p.m. and approached the Reception Desk with apprehension. “Can you please tell me the Ward, Bernard Ratigan is in?” I asked the receptionist. “He is in the ICU and I do not think you will be allowed. However, go there and speak to them to see whether they will allow you.” She directed me to the way to the ICU.

I pressed the Intercom button and said that, I wish to see Bernard Ratigan. “Are you the family?” the voice asked me. I said, “Well, yes! For me and my wife, Paul and he are the only family we have.” The lady said, “Come in, please remember he is in an induced coma. He will not know you have come.”

When I walked into the ICU, there were two doctors standing by his bed and a nurse attending to him, I think was taking blood sample. The nurse spoke to me. She was very kind and said that, Bernard is attended by a nurse all twenty four hours. He was attached to lot of machines and lot of tubes inserted into his body. His head was covered with white bandages and he was covered with blankets. I asked the nurse as to why his head is bandaged. She said, “It is not bandages. We are trying to warm his body. We had to induce a coma and cool his body and attached him to the Ventilator. Now we want to get him out of the coma and from the ventilator. It is very crucial twenty-four hours.”

I stood by Bernard’s bed, holding his hand and praying for about twenty to twenty five minutes. He was not aware of my presence or for that matter any other persons presence. I was scared thinking of the next twenty-four hours. We need Bernard, Paul needs Bernard, please God grant Bernard a speedy recovery, I prayed in my heart. By then there were lots of people praying for Bernard, Masses said for him for a speedy recovery. I was overwhelmed by my faith. Experience you really have. The helplessness and your powerlessness to do anything bring out that pure faith. “When I am weak, I am strong” said St Paul and here I knew the logic of it.

I came out of the ward, walked back to the entrance and I telephoned Paul to say that, I was with Bernard. I returned home with a heavy heart. Evening was not the same. I was not in a mood to watch my favourite Soap Opera, “Coronation Street” set in Bernard’s part of the world. I went to bed and around 10.30 p.m. the telephone rang. I was hesitant to answer. No, no it is not about Bernard!

I answered the phone, “Shirley, it is Paul. Bernard is fine. He is out of danger. He recognised me and spoke to me and then he started hallucinating. Doctors said that is expected and he will be back to himself soon.” What a relief. What a joy! I had to share it with others. It was late but I telephoned Sue Walker, a mutual friend, who has been praying fervently for Bernard’s recovery. She was overjoyed. I had a shot of good Malt Whiskey to celebrate the good news. Marlyn and I at last felt we are back on earth. What a joy! What a relief! Now we are looking forward to visit Bernard and get Paul to cook one of his brilliant recipes to celebrate Bernard’s miraculous recovery.